Lead me Lord

Lead me Lord was so heavy in my spirit yesterday. Every time it got quiet that is all that was in my head. I just began to sing, and hum lead me Lord. Over the last week I just felt stagnate and tired. I decided not to fight the exhaustion but just to give in to resting. I felt so guilty laying there that I wasn't really resting because my mind was just going about what I should have been doing instead. This morning, I just breathed and said what needs to get done will be. I got the rest I needed.

I didn't do a lot of things on my list last week as far as my blog and videos, but how I was feeling I knew I was not meant to share. I had to focus on me. I had to make a decision to look after me in the way my body was telling me I needed to. The experiences I have been in, in previous seasons I stopped trusting myself. This season God was working on me to trust myself again. Coming out of that week I trusted my decision and began to say lead me Lord, lead me Lord, lead me Lord.

Something broke off of me. I will go into this next year trusting me and trusting God like I never could before. My life is not meant to look exactly like anyone else life. My experience is one of one. I trust that know what I have to do, and even when I mess up it will not be like it was before. I am different and will have grace for myself that I will move forward better. God is making me unrecognizable to not only everyone else but to myself.

I have the best mentor, coach, advisor, leader, love, guidance, compassion, pure intention that I could ever ask for. I no longer will be concerned with what others think or their perception of me. If they can't see who I am I have to move around them and get surrounded with the ones who do see me. Also be okay if no one around me sees who I am because God sees me. Daily affirming me that I was uniquely and wonderfully made. Lead me Lord, lead me lord, lead me lord. Lord keep leading me.

Doing something for others

There are days when you can get stuck on things not going your way. Me included, to the point that we will give a day to doing nothing productive. Yesterday may have been one of those days. I got a call to ask me if I could run someone around for some errands, they needed to take care of. I said yes right away. They said it is okay if you have other things to do, I should have given you more notice. I told them give me 20 minutes and I would be on my way.

I got outside and was so glad I did. It felt good to get some fresh air, and the sun was shining. I got over to her house and she said she wasn't feeling good. We got outside and she said the air on her face made her feel better. We began to talk and enjoy the day. We got to the stores and found everything she needed. Stopped and got her something to eat. We people watched as we went through our outing. We laughed, talked and strolled through the stores.

As I dropped her off, she thanked me for coming to get her. I should have thanked her. I probably would have spent the day in the house. She got me out in the fresh air and the sun. I was able to laugh and have good conversation. I was able to get some extra steps in.

I also went to my bonus baby's game and told her mom I would bring her home. She also needed a break. When we got there, she was in the bed. I was glad that she had the chance to just get some rest. It all fueled me when I would have opted to stay in the house. I got to give in a way that people needed yesterday. To be able to of service to them, also helped me.

No longer Afraid

I would say I have never been a scary kind of person. I would face it head on. I used to say I wasn't afraid because my first bully birthed me. What could scare me? I moved throughout the world that way. Traveling and being places I didn't speak the language. I knew how to read body language. No language barrier there. I would walk in the dark and long distances. Be in places that people would be shocked I wasn't afraid to go.

The whole time it was God's hedge of protection. I was covered in all those places. I was always more afraid emotionally then I ever was physically. I realized I was afraid spiritually, because I no longer had a relationship with God. I knew God but I wasn't seeking God until I was hitting bottom. Once I was able to seek God in everything I do it shifted everything in my life,

Once I began to seek God, I was no longer afraid spiritually. I now know God is with me everywhere I go, and in everything I do. Even when people intend me harm. No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won't work. It never said the weapons wouldn't form. There will people that will do their best to help along your downfall or make people think badly about you. God knows who he created when he created you. Your character won't allow those things to stand.

The truth will be revealed. Know the battle is not yours. They are battling the light that comes from God in you. Seek God and let God handle the rest. God didn't give us the spirit of fear. Have the confidence in what God said to you. Don't even look at your current circumstances because the enemy will use that to make you doubt God. Just keep your mind and heart set on God and it will all work out better than you could ever imagine.