Doing it with God

Most of the things I have done in my life people would say for the most part that they were good. That I was a good person. I looked out for others. That I was a good worker. That I was a good friend. These last few years good was no longer good enough for me. I also knew it wouldn't get any better without God.

I started seeking God more. I started praying and fasting. I started seeking God when I was in nature. I started asking God questions and waiting on an answer to be revealed. Then I started realizing that parts of me that survival had created was getting in the way of God. I had to start shedding things that I had depended on for so long. It was painful because I had to face that it wasn't all good.

I had to break back down the walls I had built to protect myself because I couldn't give or receive love through a wall. I had to fix my attitude because it was no longer about me getting my way. I had to no longer accept trauma bonding as a norm because I needed healthy relationships. I had to put the habits I had picked up down because I had to feel it to get through it.

God was working on me to be who he created me to be, not what my circumstances made. I am able to be self-aware in a way that I know what I did wrong when it happens. That I can take correction without getting offended. That there are times I can stop it before it even happens. I can pour out love, and I am ok if I don't get it back because those people still needed it. I am plugged into the source and get everything I need.

There was something I was wanting to happen, but I was trying to make it happen in my own strength. Yesterday I gave it to God. As it unfolded yesterday. I smiled from ear to ear. Something I couldn't do God took care of it. It was everything I needed and all I had to do was take it to God instead of having to control things. It was absolutely beautiful. Doing life in partnership with God is a 10 out of 10. I highly recommend it.

40 Days

For the past 40 days I have been staying out the way and been minding my business. It has been for me to focus on the things that I needed to be doing to walk into my next. I had to get my mind, body, and heart right. In this time of no strolling on the socials, getting my eating on track, getting in my workout routine, and building my relationship with God.

The one thing that is very apparent is I need God in everything. I have been taught in this time I had to trust God to provide. I thought these last couple of years was to show me to be submissive to my husband. I had always been the bread winner in my home. So, when I was pulled off my job, I thought it was a lesson so I wouldn't be in a power struggle with my husband. What was really happening was God showing me I had to trust him for everything to walk into the things he was bringing into my life.

I won't pretend that this time has been easy. I have struggled with, why? I have cried and been frustrated. I didn't move in my own strength. I was obedient, I fasted, I prayed, I worshiped, I praised, I dwelled in God. God provided all my needs, provided peace, provided joy, provided comfort, provided correction, provided instruction, and provided love.

I see myself differently. I feel that I am not moving alone God is with me. I will never be without. I will have a heart for God's people. I will be humble in service, and always know it is the hand of God. My circumstances tried to tell me one thing about myself, but God spoke something else in the creation of my soul. I now hear what God speaks louder than anything else. I trust and believe you for everything. I will give you the glory for it all. Thank you for seeing me and breathing life back into me.

Protecting your peace

We have made it to the end of November and a lot of people are celebrating Thanksgiving today. I hope you take a minute to reflect and give a moment of silence for the indigenous people who lost their lives. Any who, this is a time where a lot of people get stressed and our forced to be around a lot of people. Maybe you are the host of this holiday and are trying to get everything perfect for your guest and are preparing yourself for the relatives you have to take deep breaths to deal with.

It's ok to say not today. It's ok to not have it and chose not to participate. It's ok to tell people you don't have the mental capacity for their mess. It's ok to take time for yourself with a house full of people because they will figure it out. It's ok to go sit in your car or take a drive. It's ok to take time for yourself on a holiday and give yourself what you need.

We have been made to feel selfish for saying no. I am telling you to say no if you need to. The same people making you feel bad won't be there when you are feeling overwhelmed or need help. There will always be someone who helped with nothing complaining about the outcome. If you are already committed and feel stressed out, go sit down and kick your feet up. Someone else will step in or they won't and will just have to wait a little longer.

Give yourself grace. You stepped up to get it done when no one else did. It's not perfect? That is also ok. If they don't like it, you don't have what they want, or you get tired. They will figure it out. Even if they complain they will still take a to go plate. Protect your peace at all costs. Life will go right back to normal after the day passes.