Doing it with God

Most of the things I have done in my life people would say for the most part that they were good. That I was a good person. I looked out for others. That I was a good worker. That I was a good friend. These last few years good was no longer good enough for me. I also knew it wouldn't get any better without God.

I started seeking God more. I started praying and fasting. I started seeking God when I was in nature. I started asking God questions and waiting on an answer to be revealed. Then I started realizing that parts of me that survival had created was getting in the way of God. I had to start shedding things that I had depended on for so long. It was painful because I had to face that it wasn't all good.

I had to break back down the walls I had built to protect myself because I couldn't give or receive love through a wall. I had to fix my attitude because it was no longer about me getting my way. I had to no longer accept trauma bonding as a norm because I needed healthy relationships. I had to put the habits I had picked up down because I had to feel it to get through it.

God was working on me to be who he created me to be, not what my circumstances made. I am able to be self-aware in a way that I know what I did wrong when it happens. That I can take correction without getting offended. That there are times I can stop it before it even happens. I can pour out love, and I am ok if I don't get it back because those people still needed it. I am plugged into the source and get everything I need.

There was something I was wanting to happen, but I was trying to make it happen in my own strength. Yesterday I gave it to God. As it unfolded yesterday. I smiled from ear to ear. Something I couldn't do God took care of it. It was everything I needed and all I had to do was take it to God instead of having to control things. It was absolutely beautiful. Doing life in partnership with God is a 10 out of 10. I highly recommend it.