God gets the glory

I woke up yesterday and God just put it on my heart to get the house clean and ready for my husband for when he gets home. So that is what I did I cleaned the house and closed the window to turn the air on for him. I was running late but when I got there church had not started. Just be obedient you are never late on God's timing.

As I rode to church I just felt overwhelmed in worship. I just began to cry that I was in a place I knew I couldn't get to without God. God gave me the grace to get my website right. I didn't know how, and I just talked to God and he helped me get it done. God even told me to put things on the site that I thought nobody would use, but I was obedient because I know God knows much better than me. He even helped me get through a photo shoot to change the look completely on the site.

God continues to pour into me when I am in already in awe of where he has brought me. I continue to wonder what have I done to deserve your hand on my life. God just put it on my that you looked to me for all the answers. Why do you love me so much when I turned away from you? He said because even though you turned away you came back with a heart heavy for turning to other things, and apologized. Why do you continue to answer the desires of my heart when I can never repay you. God let me know because you will tell them it all it was me. You won't take credit for what you know I did. You will make sure I get the glory for how I moved in your life.

Tears just pour from my eyes because I have no choice. God has been so good to me. I look at my life and know it is no one but God. It was God that took away depression, that got me healthy and took the weight off me physically, mentally and emotionally, he showed me the poison I was taking in that was destroying my temple, healed up the trauma that was stopping me from being who he created, he spoke life into me, gave me a confidence that he created me for everything I was afraid to walk into, God gave me businesses to start that, he brought me into covenant and gave me a family of my own. With everything God changed in my life he has continued to put his hand on it to keep making it better. Makig better what I never knew I could have. God will always get the glory.

Healing in our Black MEN

Yesterday my husband asked me to attend an event with him. It was called Real Men, Real Talk and the special guest was Killer Mike. I had heard him speak on panels before about reparations and was interested in going. I asked him was I supposed to be there or was it just a men's event. He laughed and said he was probably the only one showing up with his wife.

The event begins and they separate the men and women. The men on the main floor and the woman in the balcony. It was beautiful to have a bird's eye view of all the men that had showed up for mental healing. They asked them to turn their phones off and channel in because for the next 90 minutes would probably be the only time they didn't have to worry about anything but them. The asked them to partner up. They played a song about the mask they have to wear. They asked them to place their palms together and look into each other's eyes. It was powerful to watch.

They had passed out mask to everyone with a marker. They told them to write on the outside of the mask what they thought people seen when they looked at them, and on the inside of the mask write what they were hiding. Killer Mike spoke and dropped some major gems. So much wisdom was shared in that room. Then they dismissed us into smaller groups. Men with men, and women with women. As we broke off into our groups, we all had to use the same staircase to go down. A man had his mask faced up, and it had a question mark on it. My first thought was he wasn't trying to participate, but I couldn't shake that he had just put a question mark.

It wasn't the side about what you were hiding but how people seen you. I thought about how sad it was that he couldn't even express how he thought the world viewed him. It really got my wheels turning on how important this event was. I knew that I had prayed for my husband to get around men that would tell him it is important to heal. For him to have men he could open up to and have real conversations with. To think about men who had no identity in the world was something different. I have to admit that my purpose for my husband healing felt selfish at that moment. I wanted him to heal for me and his children.

I guess because he did not care about it, I never thought about him healing for himself. I thank God for that experience yesterday. I want healing for my husband for him now. To be stronger mentally. emotionally, and spiritually. So, he doesn't question his identity in the world. So, he can move confidently and competently through this lifetime. Not as a husband or father, but as man that God created him to be. Our men need healing, and we need to be in support of them being the best whole version they can be.

The peace obedience brings

This week has been a test for me. It seems like things had been laying dormant in my family for years was showing itself this week. I got calls from everyone and because I am an empath I just want to make it right. I cried with and for them. My first response was to get up and try to be there.

My husband was here. With the first couple of calls. I told him I wanted to get on the road but I would wait until tomorrow. He told me not to let it ruin my day. He asked me what I could change. I told him nothing but me showing up for them would at least make them feel better in the moment. He told me don't bring whatever you experience back here.

It made me sit and think about how I was going to be heavier from making them feel better. That I unintentionally take in all the bad feelings and carry them. How it impacts who I am and who I should be. I sat with that all day. I talked to God and I knew I shouldn't go. I felt such a peace. I have been the peacemaker in my family for so long that it came second nature. It was time to make sure I put the peace in my home first.

I did still call and check on everybody but to let them handle it. How they would've whether I came or not felt good. I had a great day and got to do what I needed to get done. I just mad a video saying the things I wanted to do, often got in the way of the thing I needed to do. Yesterday was a perfect example of me prioritizing my needs.