Worship is for you

I have been getting awakened with worship songs on my spirit. I have been getting up and singing the song and talking to God and going back to sleep. Today I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up and turned on a worship playlist. It just poured into me.

I was brought to tears about how good God is and has been to me. I thought about all the things God has brought me through. Thinking about the times I was mad with God because I felt so alone in the world and realizing he was right there the whole time. God has been so faithful to me. My only constant throughout my entire life. A lot of the time when we worship, we see it as gratitude to God. Lately worship has been a reminder to me of who God has been in my life.

As I sing the worship songs, I realize the patience, grace, and mercy God has shown me. I have never known that from a single person on this earth. All my relationships have been conditional. To the point I spoke that I also moved with conditions. I thought being upfront and honest about it made it different than the people had not told me, but I found out after they helped me or that I needed them it was.

God has been working on me to move without condition but also in wisdom. I move in the knowing that I can't let people change how I move with a pure heart. I just have to discern that when it is not well received and move accordingly. Just because you move with love does not mean God wants you to be played over. You have to set boundaries not with vengeance or out of anger. Just out of a knowing that God wants you to be treated as you deserve a well. I no longer love with condition, and it has expanded who I am. I am able to move genuinely and authentic to who God created me to be without fear. In loving with all I have God has given me wisdom in worship that just as I love him he loves me.

Walking into the NEW

These last few months I have been in a process of becoming. I have had to face things that I would have rather not if I'm honest. God needed me to work on things of myself that would detour and delay what he has for me. A major part of it was working on my mindset of wanting outside validation. To focus on not doing what would make people comfortable over being obedient to the instruction I am receiving from him.

I have really been convicted this year in shrinking back to make space for people's insecurities. I have a deep understanding of what it feels like to feel alone in a room full of people. So, I would go out of my way to shrink to make room for them. I thought nothing of it when I was doing it other than being proud of myself for being someone I never had. One day I was sitting with God and I heard "how dare you shrink and make room from the enemy?"

It really hit me. It wasn't that I was doing anything to take attention away from them. It was the light God had put in me. That I smiled, laughed, and brought joy and love into a room. It was the God in me that made people feel that the room didn't have space for them. I would dim my light instead of letting it keep shining to make them seek answers in themselves or move around. God gave us light to shine in the darkest of places to expose what has been hiding. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I didn't like that about myself. I just wanted to fit in.

That part of me had to die walking into this new season. I have missed writing and posting but I had to take a break to get myself prepared for the new that is coming. I have been in Senegal for 2 weeks. I thought about not being able to communicate with people I could have worked on my French before I came. I didn't it wasn't meant for me to have conversations about frivolous things. I was here to witness and have quiet time with God. I have been in a type of isolation that was much needed. Not having to worry about anything but spending tie with God.

I am so grateful to God for this time. Nothing that I have to do. Food, cleaning, and laundry all taken care of. Days full of laughter and connection. Filling for the first time what it would be like to have a generational home. I feel honored to have been welcomed in. I have missed my husband more than I thought I would. His presence in my everyday has been my only constant outside of God. His voice, his touch, and caring for him. I know even that will be better when I return. God gave me this time of rest so I can walk into this new season a new woman, and I am so grateful for the opportunity.

Take a deep breath

That's the best advice I can offer today. Take a deep breath and just trust God. This last week has had my mind going crazy but as my mind tried to get the best of me. I had to just keep reminding myself I have overcome worse why am I letting this get the best of me right now. I know God got me. Jehovah Jireh has continued to show himself over my life. This last week all I had to do is stay in the knowing that God always makes a way and he did just that.

I won't say that I didn't think, what in the world is going on? Right after I would just sit with God and was comforted in the fact that God got me. I didn't stay focused on the problem I just kept doing what I needed to do in my day. I deep cleaned my house over a few days. I was so intentional in cleaning out my home and praying over it. Room by room my house felt different. It felt like it was supposed to feel. I opened the windows to let out anything that was trapped in the stale air.

I washed all the laundry, washed the extra comforters, and the sheets on the bed. I anointed my home with oil. Anointed the door frames that we blessed going out and in coming in. That no one cross our threshold that means us any harm or ill intention. Prayed over myself. The way God has moved on my behalf no one will ever be able to convince me that God is not real. I am a living witness of God's power as I walk I the miracle daily with the breath of life.

When this crazy world feels like it is overtaking you, and you begin to feel overwhelmed. Take a deep breath, go outside and breath some fresh air if you can. Be reminded that you are alive and have a conversation with God. Be honest and transparent and leave it right there if you are able. You have to believe and trust God because we can't fight these battles in our own strength. Get quite and listen for God sometimes it is just a whisper. Always you will get a peace that you can't explain. God got you.