Jesus

Jesus was a man the world had never seen, and the world will never see again. He was the son of God. Even when he was doing his miracles, people where asking isn't that Joseph and Mary's son? He had to leave where he was from because they didn't believe in him.

He went on to other places and began to preform larger miracles. The leaders began to feel a way towards Jesus. To the point they wanted to crucify him. They judged him and found him guilty, they beat him near death, they put a 300 lb. cross on his back for him to carry. They hung him on the cross, nailed his hands and feet, gave him vinegar to drink, they pierced his side to kill him.

Going through all of this Jesus asked, Father why have you forsaken me? He saved one more soul before he died, while hanging on the cross. Then he shed his blood for the rest of us to have a personal relationship with God. I don't have a choice but to say thank you Jesus for everything you done, because my life is completely changed through my relationship with God.

I have tried to find the love of God through a lot of things. I didn't know at the time that is what I was seeking, but now I know God for myself. I know nothing else can fulfill that place in me ever again. God is so good that he sent a piece of himself down to earth to teach us it can be done. I will work every day until I die to be more like Christ.

Walking into my new normal

This week I have been able to stretch again, take walks and begin getting back to my old routine. It has felt good beginning to do the things again that bring me joy. Not quite how I use to just yet, but I can, and I am so grateful for it. I feel like I take in things differently. Outside is bigger and better. Maybe I have just become more grateful for everything because I was faced with losing it.

I started counseling today. I told her I wanted to put my trauma behind me that it doesn't affect my future. She said it never goes away. Something happened that shook me and there will always be things that show up that will remind me of it. Maybe see someone that looks like someone, a sound, or even a smell can take me back there. The more I deal and work on it will be harder to trigger the button, but it will always be there.

Maybe it will make this process easier to know that. My previous healing I thought I needed to scrub the trauma out and felt like I failed if it showed back up. To know it was ok to still feel a hurt about it, and just be in a better place to process it differently took a load off me. I often think about how I will affect my children. I thought I had to clean all the stains of the pass to be who I needed to be for them. Today showed me if I am just aware of them and not angry that I can still be who I want to be for them.

Everything happens for a reason, and I would not have sought out therapy for anything else. I don't want to walk into my next pregnancy afraid, so I am going to deal with this head on. I can already see that other issues will be worked out. I thank God that the loss of my first baby may be just the thing that makes me the best version for the rest.

Denouncing demonic delay

I do my best to never give the devil more credit than he deserves. Growing up I heard people speak of the devil in things they could have just changed. It wasn't the devil it was their lack of discipline or just wanting to do the wrong thing for what they got out of it in the moment.

Something happened to me that I couldn't explain. I know warfare was real, but it always had to do with another person. Even in that I realized people were being used by the enemy knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. To lose my baby I didn't know what to do with that. I really didn't think God had anything to do with it but couldn't give the power of life or death to anyone else.

My Pastor told me God knows it all and if the baby wasn't going to make it better now than when I birthed it. I found comfort in this being the least of all the pain I could feel, but what if it was a demonic delay? I heard it for the first time yesterday. What if the enemy had hand in breaking my heart to delay what God has me walking into?

I began to denounce the demonic delay in every part of my life. My marriage being at its healthiest, the growth of my family, the healing of our insecurities including our children, the division in my family, use walking into our new home, use getting a new vehicle, us having land, our ministries, generational cycle breaking of trauma, financial breakthrough, self-sufficiency, on an all-around healthier mindset mind body and soul.

The closer we get to God the more we make hell nervous that people will start seeing God for who he is. It used to be just about man I was in so much pain that the devil didn't have to worry about me. I was so distracted with what people had done to me that I wasn't a threat for a while but now that I was looking to God for everything. The devil had to start using his best strategies. No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won't work.