Grandmother's Love

My grandmother got me a big family bible back in 2010. You know the one that sits in the house open. I probably wondered why it was so big when she gave it to me. I know I thanked her for it and hugged and kissed her. I had lost it. Before me and Eric got married I was looking for a bible. I never went to the store though, or got online. I knew I had one. I just couldn't remember where it was.

I went to our Aunt Benita's house on my birthday which was a few months before our wedding. I was talking to her about needing to go get one. She said she had one and she gave me a messenger bible. It was exactly what I needed. My mom came to visit on her way to get my brother. She told me she had something for me. She gave me the bible from my grandmother. I begin to cry, because I thought it was gone forever. I read the not she put in the front. My grandmother had such beautiful handwriting.

I asked my mom how she had it? I was sure I had sent it with my stuff back to my grandmother's house when I left for the air force. My grandmother was a hoarder so even though I was sure where it was I knew I didn't want to dig to find it. My mom said she wasn't sure. I didn't really care I was just glad to have it back. I thanked her.

I told my husband because I told him my grandmother had gave me one. When I opened it. It was marked with a book mark that read I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength Philippians 4:13. I know for sure that was my grandma. She use to go to this store that had everything you needed when it came to the Lord lol. The book marker was on Isaiah 55. How would she know Isaiah would be my favorite book of the bible.

It was most likely marked for the end of chapter 54. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. She use to say that a lot. Chapter 55 speaks about God providing. The proof being in what he did for David. I am living in that right now. I feel it that the shift is going to happen when God changes our life as we know it. Only a grandmother's love could see this moment years after her death.

Reflection

I have been in a really reflective place today. Thinking over the last year. Have I done everything I was supposed to do? I read today that God allows for good and bad days to make sure we don't take anything for granted.

I often think about the people that are no longer around. Was there more I could've done, or did it happen how it was meant to? I thought about that I really hadn't tried to make sure things got back on track. As quickly as I thought that. I thought neither had they. I am really not sure how much you are supposed to give. When it isn't met by anything.

It just went quiet from both sides. Things had just changed. I don't know how they feel but I feel nothing negative. When I think of it, I genuinely feel like they focused on what was important or priority. As they should. We were such a big part of each other's life how does it change to nothing.

Even for me what have I been doing with all the time we use to spend together. I guess family, working, and filling the time with what interest me. It has been peaceful. I feel like I gave a lot. Passed what I had sometimes. So, I guess I have been finding balance. I know it was for a purpose. I believe I definitely learned what I needed in this time. If they are meant to be mended, they will be.

Grateful for the little things

I woke up today asking God what he wanted me to talk about today. I moved slow waiting for instruction. I came across a video saying how people have it all and are crashing out. How they got it to quick to maintain it. I thought about the suggestions to do it differently to get more followers. How I should use others platforms to push my products. I know how I am doing it is how I was instructed to do it.

I talked to our oldest last night about her decision for college. She had orientation for her college yesterday and said she just didn't feel excited about it. I told her the school she wanted to go to was also the school I wanted to go to but I didn't have the money. So I understood. She continued to talk about the school she wanted to go to and how she felt discouraged from it. I continued to talk to her and told her the school she was going to is the one I heard her the most excited about. She left that college visit glowing, excited about the program, and had no cons.

She realized the one she was disappointed about not going to had the most cons when she was working on choosing a school. That was the school everyone else was telling her she should go to. She was going to the school she wanted to. I told her don't fall pressure under the weight of people living vicariously through her. She began to speak about her first encounter with the college she is attending and began to speak of all the things she loves about it.

It all flowed together today. I began to think about how grateful I am that I have 67 subscribers on my channel. When I started it was just me talking to a camera, and I was happy to just get it out. I thank God for me having a website that I get to blog on throughout the week. I thank God that he made me a writer, and continues to have me working on projects. I thank God that I am able to do it authentically me. So when he says it is time for me to have more. I can walk into it gracefully not overwhelmed to keep up with anyone.

Just continue to be obedient and it will be something that will sustain. Something I don't have to pretend to maintain. Something created just for me and the people that genuinely enjoy that. God I thank you.