Obedience in Preparation

For the last few year God has been preparing me for what I am walking into right now. Each direction that was given was a step needed to get me to the point that I can hear God clearer. First was who/what I was letting influence me. Then the drugs and alcohol. My survival mode. Going Chem free. Getting past the trauma of my childhood, and then I was able to do what God had been speaking to me about as far as health and fitness for the last 6 years.

I know it is crazy right. I had been really working on this clean eating and staying fit for years because God showed me I needed to be in that place for my children. I was not yet in a relationship that I could see children coming from or honestly in place where I had decided if that is something I wanted to do. I just knew God showed it to me so it was important. I would be doing great then I wouldn't. I was not able to stay consistent with it because I kept telling myself I was doing better than anyone I knew. I was also being told that by the people around me.

I still felt a sense of disappointment because I knew what I was told. Even though I knew I can't say it really hit me until I got married. Like God you wasn't playing I am really somebody's wife, and I am going to a mother. God even showed me my children. It made it more real than ever and at the end of 2023 I went on a fast. I asked God for help on being disciplined and consistent. I told God I would workout everyday but Sunday. I wanted to get to where he seen me. So I began to workout and I kept breaking my promises to myself but I couldn't with God. Even the days I didn't want to. Somedays I even had got in bed and I felt guilty and would roll to the floor to get it done. I know God was laughing shaking his head like somebody come look at this. When God told me 30 day raw I was at a place that I could do it with him.

It has never been on my own strength. Each thing I was told I had to say ok God lets do it. I had tried and failed on my own. Even with God I cried wanting to give up on myself, but crying and pouting I still did it. I knew I had a greater in me because God was directing me. I have made it 20 days on my raw cleanse today. My flesh was looking at what I was going to cook when it was over just last night, but God told me soup and that is what will be prepared. It's a battle daily with just being better than you were yesterday. Had I not sought after God for help on who/what was influencing me. I wouldn't have been able to get to what I am accomplishing today that I never seen for myself.

God's Love draws boundaries

I spoke to my middle bonus baby over the weekend about setting boundaries for herself. It got me thinking about when did I learn to set boundaries for myself. If I am honest it probably wasn't until the last couple of years. I began to think why? I knew long before these last few years people where treating me less than I deserved.

I realized my relationship with God began to grow and get stronger. I began to seek the only unconditional love I had ever knew. I started changing my self esteem. The things that had previously bothered me, but I brushed off as they did not mean it or did not know better. Now was unavoidable. It began to feel like I was getting spit on. How dare they feel comfortable treating me this way. Not because I was better than anyone else but I knew for sure I showed up differently. I cared deeply, showed up when I was needed, and went beyond what I had to make sure they knew they were heard. I wanted them to see my worth. They couldn't, but the reason I was hurting was my fault. I was trying to prove myself to people that were not healed from their own pain. They were taking what they needed and had no reservior to pour from.

God showed me this, so I wouldn't sit in anger. I just now needed to create boundaries. I can not pour from an empty cup. I needed to pour from my overflow. That choice shifted everything in my life. For a while I felt alone, but then I realized how productive my life began to be. I was able to hear God daily. God kept pouring into me, loving on me, and partnering with me in grace for things I did not know. I got married, began to see the reason for partnership, began to love differently, healed something new, wrote a book, self published it, created an audio book, created a website, wrote a business plan all with the leading of God.

God's love made set boundaries with my flesh. Things I never thought I could do. God showed me my flesh couldn't but the spirit he put in me could. I never felt so sure of myself. God is now cleaning out my body on a 30 day raw cleanse. My mind, body, and spirit is clearer than it has ever been. God showed me yesterday to not let anyone treat me less than I deserve. I am God's Heir and need to start carrying myself as such. Walk in my authority I am plugged into the most powerful source ever known. God loves, covers me in grace, leads, teaches, guides, and nurtures me. Who can stop me.

My first Official Mother's Day

My Husband and I have been together for the last 5 years and he came with 3 beautiful little girls. The oldest two

stay with us on the weekends. So I had an instant family when we got together. However, I didn't really know where I fit in. I would do what I was asked but never felt comfortable just stating my opinion. I didn't know if it was my place.

We got married last year and our union just worked everything out. Don't get me wrong I had no problem saying they needed to clean up, take showers, be nice to each other. Just bigger things like how they spoke to their mom and dad, or things they would tell me about school or friends. Marriage set me in my rightful place. Momma mode came out immediately lol.

All the healing and growth God has been putting me through. I was now able to correct in love, and maybe that is why I couldn't address anything before. I was able to have a greater empathy for them even in their bad decisions and advice them of how their decisions could lead them wrong.

Yesterday God brought it full circle. I was getting ready for church and as I walked out of the bathroom. They came walking up the step with a balloon, roses, and a heartfelt letter from each of them, telling me who I am to them. To read they are grateful to have a second mother. Y'all the tears began to fall like waterfalls. I couldn't stop them. I told them they have no idea how I thank God for them. God knew I was worried about becoming a mother and being capable of being everything I needed to be. As much as I thought God would not have gave me a man that did not wait on me to have children. God always knows better I did not only to see him in this roll. I also needed to see me in this active roll. God gave me my bonus babies to teach me to trust myself as a mother.