Obedience in Preparation

For the last few year God has been preparing me for what I am walking into right now. Each direction that was given was a step needed to get me to the point that I can hear God clearer. First was who/what I was letting influence me. Then the drugs and alcohol. My survival mode. Going Chem free. Getting past the trauma of my childhood, and then I was able to do what God had been speaking to me about as far as health and fitness for the last 6 years.

I know it is crazy right. I had been really working on this clean eating and staying fit for years because God showed me I needed to be in that place for my children. I was not yet in a relationship that I could see children coming from or honestly in place where I had decided if that is something I wanted to do. I just knew God showed it to me so it was important. I would be doing great then I wouldn't. I was not able to stay consistent with it because I kept telling myself I was doing better than anyone I knew. I was also being told that by the people around me.

I still felt a sense of disappointment because I knew what I was told. Even though I knew I can't say it really hit me until I got married. Like God you wasn't playing I am really somebody's wife, and I am going to a mother. God even showed me my children. It made it more real than ever and at the end of 2023 I went on a fast. I asked God for help on being disciplined and consistent. I told God I would workout everyday but Sunday. I wanted to get to where he seen me. So I began to workout and I kept breaking my promises to myself but I couldn't with God. Even the days I didn't want to. Somedays I even had got in bed and I felt guilty and would roll to the floor to get it done. I know God was laughing shaking his head like somebody come look at this. When God told me 30 day raw I was at a place that I could do it with him.

It has never been on my own strength. Each thing I was told I had to say ok God lets do it. I had tried and failed on my own. Even with God I cried wanting to give up on myself, but crying and pouting I still did it. I knew I had a greater in me because God was directing me. I have made it 20 days on my raw cleanse today. My flesh was looking at what I was going to cook when it was over just last night, but God told me soup and that is what will be prepared. It's a battle daily with just being better than you were yesterday. Had I not sought after God for help on who/what was influencing me. I wouldn't have been able to get to what I am accomplishing today that I never seen for myself.