Choose your hard

On this healing journey I have often felt alone. I don't think people truly understand how hard it is to face the hardest and darkest parts of your life. To clean out the back corners of your closet to live something different then you have seen. It is painful you have to remember and walk yourself back through it to look at it differently.

Healing is hard but it felt harder to stay on the path that was laid for me. It was harder for me to think about passing the trauma from the generations before me to my children without a second thought. It felt harder to sit stuck in my past then decide I deserve a future. Not just getting older but live a full, healthy, and life of joy. I had to break free from the hamster wheel and walk the path meant for me and my family.

I have cried a lot, relived the trauma, and realized I will never understand the choices of the ones who hurt me. I will never get some of the apologizes I deserve. I will not be able to redo the wrongs in the way I would rather live it. The relationships I would love to have will never happen from my past. What will happen is I will heal up to be able to choose differently and make healthier decisions for myself. I will create a new future for the ones who come from me. I will have a healthy relationship with my husband, friends, and children. We will communicate openly when things are going wrong and figure it out together.

The hard I chose is healing. I can't wait to see the benefits of saying the generations of trauma my family has carried, stops with me.