Don't let a flesh wound kill you

Let's talk plain. I have been abused mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually. I have been without my father and mother. I was in a cult. I was in foster care and was on my own before I finished high school. I have been without utilities being on. I have slept in my car. I have had to use toilet paper because I did not have money for pads. I have given myself away to people who didn't deserve me both sexually and in friendship. Gave to people who were glad to take my last. I have had plans to turn my life around by going to college, joining the air force, and getting a career. I "failed" at them all.

I began to heal from the trauma of my past, getting my anger in check, and began to set boundaries. Foster care caused the separation I need from my family. For me to realize what I grew up in was not normal. Just because we grew up in a generation where abandonment and neglect was happening across the board. Do not make it your normal. Something in me would not allow it to move past me in my lineage.

I said all that to say you are not broken. You are wounded. Do not let a flesh wound kill you. See it for what it is. You were attacked. They wounded you but it is a superficial wound. It is not fatal. Now you have two choices: Clean out the injury and bandage it up, or you can just give up and let the wound get infected and allow it to kill you slowly. Sit in the pain and let it swallow you up, and keep asking the ones who hurt you why? They do not have answers for you. They are still stuck in their own trauma. You have to answer for yourself will this be a part of your life.

I pray that you get to the point that you can talk to God from a healed place before I did. Talk to God about what you need to do. He will take it from where you left off with healing you for the life he created you to live. You have to be open and let him in like you never have been able to let someone in before. Seek him daily, get in your bible, and strengthen your relationship. I heard today you don't deserve love because of what I do but because I am.