Going to my first support group

Yesterday felt like everything was aligned that I finally go to the support group for black women that had loss children. I have gotten to the point that although I am sad for my loss it doesn't consume my days like it used to. I was ready to talk to women that could relate to my pain.

I guess I was one of two new faces, so the other women sat and waited for us to share because they had been there before. I started it out with letting them know what happen and telling them I didn't want to be afraid about being pregnant again. I wanted someone to say it gets easier. That isn't what happened. One of the women was 8 months pregnant and she said she was still afraid. That she was still mourning her previous loss and was worried what it would look like when she delivered the one, she was carrying.

There were 24 women present some pregnant, some just like me experiencing a recent loss, and some still mourning children they had loss over a year ago or more. All across the board from miscarriages to ectopic pregnancies, to still born (born sleeping is the term they used), to losing babies after they were born. The pain was so heavy, but it was the first time I could express my pain and everyone in the room understood me.

The statistics were so heavy. One woman said these groups make it too real. I felt her completely. It is one thing to read you are not alone but to her the statistics with people sitting in as reflections of the numbers was unimaginable. I wanted to go and feel better and to hear they kept losing d the complete opposite. I can't walk in fear God got me. I want to try, feel the joy of pregnancy, birth my child, look into their eyes, and raise them.