I never thought I was capable of Today

As I woke up this morning from a beautiful dream from God. I went into the bathroom to right it in my journal so I wouldn't wake my Husband. I thought over what God was showing me and just begin to cry. Like who am I God that you think this highly of me. I am just a little girl from Ashtabula, Oh. For the first time as I thought of myself it was not for the pain I experienced, but just a small town girl from nowhere Ohio.

God keeps showing me greater, that I belong to him, that I am an heir of his kingdom, that I am royalty, that I will raise our children beyond anything I can fathom, that we will be on land that I will never be able to see the end of in any direction, that I will feed my family from that land. I trust and believe God for it. Slowly he has been putting me on a path to legacy. Careful not to overwhelm me so I don't give up. Letting me learn just enough to be prepared for the next thing.

As I sit in Awe of God today. I reflect on the little girl that's innocence was taken, that felt so alone. The teenage girl that was alone facing the world on her own. Crying to God for a safe place. Seeking a love she never knew in everyone she met. The young woman full of rage, doing anything to feel something. Surrounded by people that could never understand her, because she no longer trusted enough to let anyone in. The 23 year old that woke up on her birthday realizing God was keeping me alive. The 25 year old that started hearing she would shake the world but had no clue where to start. The 28 year old that realized she had to unlearn and relearn. The 29 year old that met her husband but had no idea how to be in relationship. The 32 year old that realized I could not do anything without the help of God. The 33 yer old that finally surrendered. We mad it.

Everything the enemy sent at us to steal, kill, and destroy us. God is working it out for his glory. You have healed up every relationship that would keep perpetuating trauma, by hardening your heart. You have forgiven yourself for thing you did and did not know that caused pain. You let Gods love in so you can now love yourself properly. You have cleaned out your body so you can hear God regularly and clearly. You have let down your walls and God has strengthened your discernment. You have kneeled to your call of service. You are walking in a day that you never thought you were capable of.

God I love you with all my heart. You knew me before I was formed in my mothers womb. Everything I went through you kept laying in my heart that I would know something polar opposite, and although I couldn't see it. I knew you were the only one that could change it. As far as I tried to go, all the places I tried to seek what only you had, the nights I cried and asked you, why me? You never let me get too far. You had your hand on me the whole time and kept me from loosing my mind, that I belonged to you, and my life. I will never know anyone else like you. It has always been unconditional. I will always make sure you get the glory for my story.