Jesus is it

I have walked through a lot of phases of trying to connect with God. I had always known of God but it wasn't until I got back into the bible. That God began to reveal himself to me. The pouring that has taken place when I got back to the point of where he started me. I was born and raised a Christian. Church hurt and foster care set me on my own path. I talked to God but mainly though my struggles.

God began to shift me. He always put it in my heart to serve and to inspire others that have heavy hearts. I just counted up to God putting it my heart that I was going to be good no matter what the world had done. No matter the neglect, abandonment, lovelessness I felt I wouldn't be that to anyone else. I even told God I wouldn't get married or have children if I was going to bleed on them from things they had nothing to do with.

I knew there was something going on with my family through generations. There is a pain and trauma that has been being passed down and I didn't want any part of it. I thought the only way I could stop it was to not continue, it was going to end with me even if I had to be alone. God showed me it was going to stop by me healing up, making the choice that it stops with me, and raising children that would shift it from me on down.

I didn't feel strong enough for that task. Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted the headache of trying to fix it. God reminded me he sent a piece of himself sown to show us it could be done. It wouldn't be easy but if it meant enough to you and you trusted God enough to see you through it could be done. I started calling on Jesus again for help.

My life started shifting he cleaned me out to be able to think straight, he started pouring discernment in me that I no longer gave excuses for why people didn't treat me right, but gave me the heart to pray for them, he began to pour a love I never knew into me because I was open to receive it. I called on Jesus to intercede to God about my marriage. He did just that. I walked into covenant I could have never imagined.

The way God has moved on my life since we became one under this blessed union is absolutely amazing. I never know I could be this person I am today. Able to forgive everyone that hurt me and not think about it anymore. It, no longer ways me down to make bad decisions. It no longer taints the vision on my future because I know something knew starts with me. If no one else seen it, I did and that is why it was my responsibility.

I thank Jesus for making the sacrifice for me. Even though he knew the pain and hurt he was going to endure. The betrayal he knew was coming. The way people hated him for trying to open their eyes to see God for themselves. The way they used him for healing even if they did not believe he was the son of God. As he was beaten and then carried that cross, I can only imagine the thoughts going through his head. He was scared, broken, confused, and even asked God why he had forsaken him. When they nailed him to the cross, he asked God to forgive them for they know not what they do. That is who I believe gave his life for mine to be transformed. Since I have decided that I have lived a life I never knew I could.