May was Miraculous

As April ended I knew exactly what I was to do in May. The month was set for preparation for what was coming next. I knew I had to commit in a way I never had before. I thought, will I be able? I knew all I could do was take it one day at a time.

When the end of April began to creep up I decided I would start then. Often we will wait for the ideal day to start, and the day never comes. So I just started and began to walk into my new. I wanted to meet the version God was fighting so hard for me to walk into. God kept calling and I knew the undisciplined, non-consistent, and unfocused version wasn't it.

God showed me what to do and I had no choice but to be obedient and ask for his help to do it. I walked through the month and some days I cried because I was fighting my flesh so hard. I learned that a caterpillar literally dies of himself to become a butterfly. I felt the cocoon process happening. It was hard and painful not doing what I wanted to do. After a few weeks I cried over it being so hard for me to do the right thing. If God was telling me exactly what to do, to have what he showed me. Why was it so hard for me to do what I needed to get what I wanted?

God began to show me that the wrong thing became comfortable for me because it had been my safety net for so long. What he was calling me to do I had never been convinced it was possible. Even though I had been talking about it for years. I had always seen it as a temporary thing. Not something that would begin to shake me to my core if I didn't get it right. I no longer had a choice. The last day of my raw cleanse I became a Doula. I thank God for never taking his hand off me.