Recovery

I am now in recovery. I feel more like myself today than I have in the last 3 weeks. I thank God for that. I went to the doctor today for post opt checkup. I made it through the appointment without crying one tear. Today was the first day I was able to talk about it and not feel so emotional overwhelmed that I was brought to tears.

God had been working on me last week to get a video made about it. I did it on Monday it was hard, but I definitely think it was therapeutic. I even thought about editing the video down to not feel so exposed and I couldn't once I looked at it. I know it was all needed. I found out 25% of woman experience ectopic pregnancy. I never even considered this was something I would go through or knew it was a thing.

Now that I know I don't want another woman to feel as alone as I did. To not just be able to miscarry after the baby isn't going to develop, but to have the baby cut out was so painful. I thank God it was not a still born. I have got on the other side of the darkness I felt. Will I still have times when I get sad about it, yes. Will I always remember I lost my first child, yes.

God saved my life. Reminded me he gave me someone who loves me, covers me, and that I will be able to create more life with. Strengthening me every day and getting me back on track with the things I am supposed to be doing. I laughed today. I ran into someone today and didn't feel like I was wearing a mask of a fake smile. I felt stronger than my old self. I lived through something that could have taken my life. Lived through an experience I thought would have taken my sanity. Came out on the other side grateful for everything God has done, is doing, and will continue to do.