The ONE that can fix it

My pastor brought a message from ISamuel about Hannah. Now the message broke me done because all my grief came up. She said Hannah to go talking to her friends about the problem. She went to the one who could fix it. She took it to God and poured it all out on the alter. It made me reflect on me going to God about my situation superficially.

Now when I was going through the loss and surgery and recovery. I was being very vulnerable and transparent with God about the pain and suffering I was in. I even sat with God after I started healing in my heart about it. Had I made being a mother an idol? In a way I had I was ready to risk my life to make it happen. I wanted to know what it felt like to grow a life inside of me. When it came to us trying again. I would pray before we had sex. I even had been anointing our room and bed with oil. I had not really just bared it all. I guess I thought he knew from the cries of my heartache.

I felt it again yesterday and I talked to God about exactly what I wanted to happen. I talked to him about a few other things. I couldn't shake m grief for a while. When it was time for bed. I went and cleaned out the tub and ran a bath. I lit a few candles and turned on some worship music. I wanted to leave it all in the water and I did. I stayed in the tub for like two hours. I cried, worshiped, cried some more, prayed. The tea candles were burning out and I felt so much better.

I feel lighter today. I got up and my sister had called. I called her back and had some much needed laughter. Got on cleaning my house and was grateful to God that I did instead of laying around like I wanted to. The house feels better. I need to walk through and give it some fresh prayer and anointing. Welcome the Holy Spirit in and flush everything else out. Why dwell on it I already talked to the one that will fix it.