The Shift

I laid down last night and instead of turning on the tv like I usually do. I laid in the bed and just spoke plain and transparent to God. Letting him know where I am struggling, what I want to see, and feeling all this knowing his plan is greater. I trust and love God with all of my heart, but my uncertainty with man sometimes creeps over in my belief. God help my unbelief. I fell asleep talking to God.

I woke up and was feeling drained. I have been feeling this for a couple weeks now. As I am pushing forward with what God is revealing to me. The warfare has been heavy. Trying to keep me exhausted from doing what I need to do. I get up shake it off and get in my bible every morning. Then I am able to do what I need to do for the day.

This morning as I talked to God I began to cry and worship, because everything I was talking to him about I could not imagine last year. I had to take a step back and remember all God has brought me through. God literally began to show me. As the images of the most painful points of my life and God bringing me out of them flashed in my mind. I just began to say Hallelujah. I literally could not do anything else.

God has been so good to me. I realized that I was just being impatient. God already showed me what is coming. I already know it is going to happen, and have the nerve to be sad because it isn't happening fast enough. When just a year ago I could not imagine my life to be what it is today. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!!! God has brought me through and out of so much. He is blessing me daily. Guiding my steps into my new. Healing me of my childhood trauma, and some trauma I caused myself. Creating me into who he meant for me to be here. I just became a Doula. God is showing out.

Today I walked into my shift, and I will never be the same again.