Walking into the NEW

These last few months I have been in a process of becoming. I have had to face things that I would have rather not if I'm honest. God needed me to work on things of myself that would detour and delay what he has for me. A major part of it was working on my mindset of wanting outside validation. To focus on not doing what would make people comfortable over being obedient to the instruction I am receiving from him.

I have really been convicted this year in shrinking back to make space for people's insecurities. I have a deep understanding of what it feels like to feel alone in a room full of people. So, I would go out of my way to shrink to make room for them. I thought nothing of it when I was doing it other than being proud of myself for being someone I never had. One day I was sitting with God and I heard "how dare you shrink and make room from the enemy?"

It really hit me. It wasn't that I was doing anything to take attention away from them. It was the light God had put in me. That I smiled, laughed, and brought joy and love into a room. It was the God in me that made people feel that the room didn't have space for them. I would dim my light instead of letting it keep shining to make them seek answers in themselves or move around. God gave us light to shine in the darkest of places to expose what has been hiding. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I didn't like that about myself. I just wanted to fit in.

That part of me had to die walking into this new season. I have missed writing and posting but I had to take a break to get myself prepared for the new that is coming. I have been in Senegal for 2 weeks. I thought about not being able to communicate with people I could have worked on my French before I came. I didn't it wasn't meant for me to have conversations about frivolous things. I was here to witness and have quiet time with God. I have been in a type of isolation that was much needed. Not having to worry about anything but spending tie with God.

I am so grateful to God for this time. Nothing that I have to do. Food, cleaning, and laundry all taken care of. Days full of laughter and connection. Filling for the first time what it would be like to have a generational home. I feel honored to have been welcomed in. I have missed my husband more than I thought I would. His presence in my everyday has been my only constant outside of God. His voice, his touch, and caring for him. I know even that will be better when I return. God gave me this time of rest so I can walk into this new season a new woman, and I am so grateful for the opportunity.