Working in Rest

I know this seems counterproductive. There is a time whether you chose to or whether it is forced because you pushed yourself past your limit and now you are sick. Rest is a necessary thing you have to do as a human. I am one that it is hard for me to sleep in and not do nothing even on vacation or at other people's house. I feel uncomfortable just sitting around doing nothing.

I just have to put my hands on something or check in with the host to see what they need. My trip to Senegal was a rest I didn't know I needed. I had never experienced being served and cared for in that way and they did not know me. Meals cooked, laundry done, room cleaned and getting me out the house. I did not need to think about anything. I was completely relinquished of responsibility to focus on God and reset for my return home.

I knew I was going to vlog but I found it hard not to record videos and write. I knew then it wasn't just work to me. I love doing what I do but it was different. I worked in rest. I didn't force myself to be up early. I didn't force it if I didn't have anything to record. Even when I was recording for vlogging. I got what I needed and put the camera down. It was actually beneficial that I did not have a crazy amount of editing to do. My work was more organizing the footage and figuring out the best way to break it down to create videos.

It has carried over with the I deserve love not because of what I do but because I am. I realized that I feel if I am not productive that I am not worthy. Not that I feel like I should do nothing but if I don't it's ok. It is hard for me to do nothing in a day. I'm working on that because if I'm tired I deserve to rest. It also has a lot to do with watching my mother in her depression stay in bed for days. It's like if I stay in bed, it can suck me into a depression unknowingly. I am being kinder to myself with resting when I need to. I have to thank Betty and my time in Senegal for that.