A day I never thought I would face

Today is a hard day. I never thought I would live a day like today. All the things I been through and all the pain I have faced I just never seen today being one of them. I am in a cycle of gratefulness for being alive, confusion about what the last couple days have held, and the heaviest loss I never thought I would know.

God knows I am so grateful for everything he has been, for he is, and everything he will continue to be. I am just so lost in today. Even as I know things like this will be a part of my testimony, a setback is just a setup for a comeback, and this too shall pass. I am in the present moment of a great heart ache that also comes with a physical pain that won't let me forget what is happening.

I am in a crazy place of not being ready to talk about it and needing to, so I don't lose my mind. I have been having so real honest conversations with God and my husband, but it doesn't feel like enough. I want answers. I did everything I knew what to do to set us up for the best outcome and it changed nothing. Nothing I could have done that could have changed this situation.

Nothing I could have done. I am living in a nightmare. In the matter of hours not only did I experience a loss, have my own life and death experience, but also went through something that can never be undone that changed my life forever. I don't know what to do but to talk to God and go through my phases of on and off tears. Just grieve and ask God for strength to get through it. God, I thank you for my life.

God deserves your praise

The last couple of days have been really rough for me. In the worse of it I knew I had to turn on worship music and get close to God. The worst thing you can do during trials is let your thoughts and people's opinion get the best of your mind. Get into a place of worship and praise.

That was exactly what I did. As tears were streaming down, I knew I needed to get outside and feel God on me. I needed to feel the sun on me, fresh air and put my feet in the grass. Just get quiet to hear God. If I couldn't make it outside, I would turn worship on to get into his presence. I would just cry and praise him. I kept saying God you have the final say. I meant it from my heart, even though my heart was breaking.

The complete opposite of I wanted to happen, happened. All I could do was thank God for my life. Even with the heartbreak. I am still in a place where I never thought I could be God has blessed me so much that even through my tears all I could do is say thank you for everything. Even the development that will come through this process.

God, I will praise you every day because you deserve nothing less. You breathed breath in my body, gave me a sound mind, have and will be here for me through it all. God, I thank you and I love you.

The walk of righteousness is hard

A lot of time people believe people turn o God because it is easier. The road less traveled is hard. The day you decide to give your life to God. You get the attention of the enemy. The devil will do whatever he can to convince you to go back. That your life was fine without God. That you already had everything you needed.

It can't be further from the truth. We need God in everything we do, but warfare becomes so strong to get you to give up. Don't you dare give in. Everything that is coming at you is saying you are closer than you have ever been.

God, I thank you is all I have been able to say as warfare has been coming in every direction. I have seen it in the spiritual realm. I know every promise God made to me will come to fruition. The enemy is giving his best effort, but I can't be shook because who I already know God to be.

The walk of the righteous is hard but it is so worth it because everything you do is to walk into who God created you to be.