Dancing in the rain

If my neighbors didn't think I was crazy before, I convinced them yesterday lol. I went grocery shopping yesterday and after I got back the rain began to fall. I had been praying for a good rain. We had been in a heat wave. The grass was dying, my outside plants were looking sad, and I knew the trees needed it.

I needed to wash the vegetables and fruits I had bought. God told me to take them out and wash them with the rain. I took them out. I grabbed my tambourine and played it as I danced in the rain. I talked to the trees and celebrated them getting water. I looked at my mango and avocado trees and danced some more seeing how refresh they were.

I danced and thanked God for the rejuvenation I felt from it. It was a renewing rain. I sat out in the rain and washed my grocery haul. It felt so good. I had been hesitating on washing them because I smelled the treatment from the water coming out the faucet and God made a way for it to get done. I laughed as I came back in thinking my neighbors probably think I lost my mind.

I don't care I owed a praise God and it felt so good. He gave me and nature exactly what I needed. The only thing I wanted was my husband to be home to enjoy it with me. He probably would have also though I was crazy standing out there washing fruit. He definitely would have hyped up my dance and my tambourine play though.

Interdependance

Me and my Husband have been learning that marriage is different than the last 4 years we had been together. Not only because we signed paper work but because we are the starting foundation of something new. We have to lean and learn each other like never before. What is important to him is important to me. What is important to me is important to him.

Us getting married allowed me to trust my husband like I have trusted no one else. I trust him to have my back for the rest of my life. I really have never had to depend on anyone. God always worked it out. As God continues to work it out he has shown grace in giving me a partner down here.

In this marriage we have had to learn we can not do it without each other. God told me to come off my job. It has been really hard for me because I am us to just taking care of things on my own. I thought it was mainly about me working on things I had been putting off that God wanted me to do. This last couple of months I have learned it is also trust my husband to take care of things.

I remember when he first gave me his card. It just felt good that he trusted me to have it. I didn't use it even when things felt like they were getting tight on my end. I knew I had it just in case I couldn't though. I used it for the first time at the grocery store today. I sent him a message saying I was using it and how much. I actually felt uncomfortable waiting on his response. All he said was ok.

I realized that all the things I was telling myself and feeling. Was about never having it. I never had anyone in my life that I could just depend on always. As we are both learning to depend on and be depended on. Today was a good day.

Our children are a reflection of us

I might get push back because I have not yet had any children, but for at least the last 20 years I have watched people raise their children. One thing I have noticed is the thing they dislike the most about their children is their worse trait.

You have to work on you to change the way your children come out. I have seen people not recognize at all that they are who taught their children that. Ask where did you get that from, and I am lost at they don't see it. The way you talk trash, talk about people, mean spirited, vengeful, whiney, passive aggressive, cuss people out, and just hateful. Your children see you.

Our generation either continued the cycle or completely spoiled their children. Which is bringing out the same outcome. No respect. We just had a family function over the weekend. Not saying all the children because some of us are able to see and decided to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. We realized that our generational curses were bad habits our family has been in cycles of. The children feel so comfortable disrespecting adults. Majority because they see their parents treating them like that or allowing them to do it.

It got to the point where they said they are no longer comfortable hosting events at their home. Is this where we have got. That you have no control over your children that people can not invite you over, and this is family. I can only imagine how they are acting out in the world.

I told God if I could not heal and shake the things I learned out of survival off. I would not have any children because I could not face it. I would not be able to look at the pain, trauma, heartbreak in my teenage child and knew I could avoid it because I was not ready. Yes, I poisoned myself unknowingly for years to avoid having a child I was not ready for. I knew I could not have an abortion and could not have a child being a piece of who I knew I should be for them.

Everybody has a different path, but if it lead to your child having less than they deserve. I did the best I could is not good enough. You have to get ahead of it. It is your responsibility that they have what they need because your choices are the reason they are here. You hav an obligation to them. These kids ain't "different" they are a reflection of you.